Crying it Out to Heal From Within

~ theantelopediaries

My Personal Journey with my Daughter

Courtesy of Unsplash

Early in my career as a parent, when Polina was a toddler, I attended a bi-weekly parenting group inspired by Waldorf tradition. Waldorf believes in protecting and, in essence, extending childhood. I liked that idea. In American culture, there is pressure on children to grow up fast. Sometimes we see it in children’s clothing, cut in a way that’s more adult and less child like. Sometimes it’s comments like telling a four year old they’re “big.” Big compared to what? Compared to an infant, a 4 year old is big, but compared to the span of her life, not even close.

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On Turning 11

~ theantelopediaries
Courtesy of Adobe

Yesterday, my daughter turned 11. This time last year, we were bubbling with the momentous change of age from a single digit to two digits. Now, with a year of experience in the two digit zone, she is hitting another mile stone- turning eleven.

e-LE-ven. Now I have to say three syllables when talking about my daughter. It was easy to refer to her as “my ten year old,” which flew off the tip of my tongue. Now it’s e-LE-ven. e-LE-ven. Sounds uneven.

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Feelings of Melancholy

~ theantelopediaries
Unsplash

I’ve been in a funk, and I don’t want to get out of it.

I’ve felt this weight on my chest, and today it feels like it’s on my face. To be fair, it’s been an appendage for most of my life. I felt it acutely when I was a teenager. It almost killed me. Now, at 49, it’s mellower, but still makes its presence known.

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Ode to Melfi

~ theantelopediaries
Last picture of Melfi on Oct. 5, 2022.

It has been five weeks since my 16 month old dog Melfi was suddenly hit by a truck.

He hasn’t come back to me, even though I’ve wanted him to, if only in spirit. 

I heard that sometimes animals and other loved ones come back after their passing. I’ve shooed away other spirits when I’ve felt scared, but I wanted Melfi. 

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