It’s eight days before the official start of summer, and I am very tired.  By early afternoon I’m ready to take a nap with my three year old, except my three, almost four year old doesn’t always fall asleep now.  It could be the longer days in this northwest corner of the country.  (Don’t worry, we make up for it with darkness, cold and rain in the winter.)  Even if she does nap, I have about an hour and a half to myself before I start the second leg of my day.

I realized that my fatigue has a lot to do with the school year.  I didn’t think driving 44 miles round trip three days a week would wear me out, but it has.  I thought working online while my daughter was in school would be a “rest” period for me.  But it hasn’t.  I thought socializing with other adults would be enjoyable, but I discovered that I am more of an introvert than I thought.  By the time we got home, Polina was already asleep in the car and had difficulty falling asleep when I moved her to her bed, meaning even less recovery time before the second half of my day.  My day starts at 6:30 in the morning and often doesn’t end until 8 pm.

For all these reasons, not to mention the financial costs, I am taking the summer off from scheduled activities.  I want to regroup, and most importantly, actually spend one on one time with my daughter instead of spending time with her as a chauffeur, cleaner and cook.

There is a famous passage:  “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”  I’m not religious, but I like this passage.  There are seasons where you realize you’ve gone off course.  The course may have been the right one to begin with, but over time, the small degree of discomfort has accumulated and taken its toll.

My daughter used to beg me to do a puzzle with her or read or play a board game.  I haven’t heard that from her in a while.  Instead, she sits beside me on the counter and helps me cook or entertains herself while I wash dishes.  I miss spending time with her, even though I’m a stay-at-home mom.

My daughter used to not mind doing homework with me.  Now, it has become a struggle.  She just wants to play, and how can I blame her at this age?

This summer I am dedicating myself to less distraction and more quality time.  It will be a season to simplify and reconnect; a time to build a relationship with my daughter that will last for seasons to come.