Yesterday was October 2.  It was my husband’s brother’s daughter’s 15th birthday.  I worked that day.  I wrote October 2nd at least 13 times in my work notes.  I thought about October 2nd often that day.I remember October 2, 2001, the night my husband’s brother’s daughter was born.  We were watching the family dog while my husband’s brother was attending the birth of his first child.  We watched a movie.  People say they don’t believe fifteen years can go so fast.  I do.  Every year has left an impact.

I remember attending my husband’s brother’s daughter’s first birthday.  My husband’s brother’s wife was so happy.  Two more kids would be born in the next four years.  I reminded my husband every year about their birthdays.  This is the first year I didn’t.

My husband would acknowledge the reminder.  Sometimes he would make a telephone call, on my encouragement, or stop by their house, sometimes long after the anniversary.  I wondered why they didn’t invite us to their birthday parties.  (I’m not even sure if they even had any for adults.)  My husband told me birthdays were for immediate family.  I thought adult siblings were immediate family.  He meant nuclear family.

Growing up I idolized my aunt.  She was only 12 years older than me.  She could have  been my sibling instead of my mother’s.  My relationship with my mother was like sandpaper rubbing against each other.  My aunt, meanwhile, was a rock star.  I adored her and looked up to her.  She wore make up and hip clothes and she was fun and outgoing.  After a five hour drive, she was the first person I asked about.

I wanted to be that aunt.  I don’t any longer.

Fifteen birthdays have gone by.  We are not a part of my husband’s brother’s family’s life.

My husband’s brother’s family came to Polina’s first birthday party.  We had another outdoor party for her this year and invited my husband’s other half.  My husband’s brother’s daughter’s younger brother had soccer, my husband’s brother said.  They couldn’t make it.

It will soon be a year since the cousins have seen each other, and we live 30 minutes away.

I could have taken steps.  I could have been a better person, but I had too much going on on the sidelines.  Maybe they had/have as well.  The end result is the same.

My husband’s brother’s family isn’t our family.