Even though Christmas has passed, we still got a few more holiday postcards trickling in. You know- the ones with the pictures of smiling families along with PR messages like, “Peace Love Cheer Joy?”

First of all, no one goes through life smiling like that.  You would be considered really weird walking down the street with a big grin on your face.  And yet, in America, it is perfectly acceptable to contort one’s face by pulling your cheeks as far apart as possible and then sending a picture of that to people.

And then you teach your children to do it.

I get the sense that in America, the wider your grin, the happier you’re perceived to be.

I just think it makes people look stupid.  Why not just look at the camera and have a normal expression on your face?

I admit I am not photogenic.  Sometime around age eight I ceased to be comfortable in front of a camera, but I love being behind it.  I take pictures that reflect life.  If it’s good, great.  If it’s bad, well that’s part of life too.

I used to videotape my daughter a lot.  My husband would tell me to stop filming if she didn’t respond in the way that was expected.  For example, if she had a scowl on her face or started to cry.  I kept rolling, because this is life.  This is our daughter Polina. It’s not to make her look bad.  It’s just a part of life.  There are plenty of other pictures and videos that are happier and all shades in between.

The end result is that when we are old and grey and barely remember our daughter being a toddler (it is getting harder even now), we have video of what was real, not what was fake.

As I’ve mentioned previously in these pots, I was born in the Ukraine to Russian parents and raised in the US since I was 6.  My English is better than my Russian, but I still retain some Russian cultural heritage.  So Americans prefer grinning faces.  That’s fine.  I’m not sending grinning photographs of my family but if other people want to, it’s their postage.

I would rather you send me a picture of what your family is really like.  Your kids playing sports or watching TV (if they do that).  Your wife making dinner or your husband lying on the couch recovering from work.  Or pick something more positive, but that’s real.  That to me is a much more authentic greeting than a picture in a made up place (such as behind a snowflake background).  If you do want to send a picture of everyone together, please look natural.  Nobody grins like that.

The other thing that bothers me about family postcards, particularly during the holidays, is that it feels like a family advertisement.  If you want to say hello, make a phone call.  Writer a letter.  Send an email.  Engage in something personal, something that takes a little more effort than copying and pasting pictures on Shutterfly and then signing it with “love.”  I don’t know what that means.  Or maybe that’s a general term that makes everyone feel better.

There are some people that just send pictures of their kids.  Why do they just send pictures of their kids?  My relationship is with the adults, and they are ONLY sending pictures of their kids, like they are their proxy.  I don’t get it.

And for all the people that don’t have kids? According to the US Census Bureau, 47.6 percent of women between age 15 and 44 have never had children.  That doesn’t mean they won’t have kids in the future, but nearly half of them don’t right now.  And for those that won’t have children, for whatever reason, how are they supposed to feel?  I’m glad you’re proud of your child.  I’m proud of my child.  But it feels like children are being used to market a family.  There are so many definitions of family.  There are so many things to life besides family (although don’t get me wrong, family is important.)

I recently read the following obituary in my local paper that really moved me.  Here is the link, and here is the text:

Kelcey Ann Hoffman died peacefully Thursday, December 15, 2016 when she slipped into a coma while being treated for sudden-onset leukemia in Bellevue, Washington. She was 36 years old. She was a beautiful, vibrant, strong, smart, active young woman who loved travel and adventure and friends, and she lived life fully.

Kelcey traveled to more than 60 foreign countries, lived and worked in more than a dozen of them and made friends everywhere, but Rome was her first foreign home where she gave tours of the Vatican, and it remained a favorite. Kelcey climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, ran with the bulls in Pamplona, scuba dived in the Red Sea and off Burma, went to Carnival in Venice and New Orleans, ballooned over Cappadocia, paraglided over Beirut, skied in Colorado, ran marathons in Dubai, and pet tigers in Thailand and lion cubs in South Africa among other adventures. She loved cats of all sizes and kinds.

Kelcey was born in St. Thomas, US Virgin Islands, but spent her childhood in Bellevue. She graduated in 1998 from Bellevue High School where she played soccer and ran track and cross-country and threw the javelin. In 2002 she graduated from Colorado College in Colorado Springs with a degree in English. After recently living in Johannesburg SA she had moved back to Bellevue to be with family.

She is survived by her parents Patricia and Dale Hoffman, both of Bellevue, and her aunt Mary Hoffman of Lynnwood, WA.

She would want her friends to drink a glass of wine and think about good times they had together.

She was their only child.  How would you feel receiving pictures of kids during the holidays?

Finally, let’s all have a little more humility in our messages.  Here is a comparison of two messages I received on postcards this year.

Here’s the first one:  “We have so much to be thankful for!  God is good!  Love…”

And this one:

“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you!  We had a great year and can’t wait for next year’s adventures!  With love…”

The first message seems more humble.  The second has a tiny hint of “keeping up with the Joneses.”  Look, I’m glad people had a great year.  Let’s try to be humble and appreciative and remember the whole idea of sending a card to someone is to connect with them (right?). We all know your accomplishments.  No need to draw more attention to yourself.  Be sensitive to the fact that maybe not everyone had as great a year as you.  Be grateful and move on.

Which is what I am doing.  I am moving on, as authentically as I can, from this holiday into the new year.

All pictures used in this post I downloaded for free from pixabay.  I do not know any of the people in these pictures.