self-reflection

Sinking into Summer

~ theantelopediaries

I am determined to have a good summer this year. It’s time.

The last few years I have fallen out of shape, physically and emotionally. Fatigue became a synonym for laziness. Few things, if any, went my way. After what seemed like a lifetime of fighting, I gave up. If my body wanted to keep breathing, that was its business. I, as a matter of choice, didn’t want to do anything.

So in the evenings, after caring for my daughter, I would vegetate on the couch, cover my head with a blanket, and create a small hole for breathing, which my body still compelled me to do.

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How Did it Happen?

~ theantelopediaries

How did it happen

that I bought a kitten for my mother for Mother’s Day, and she loved the cat, but my step-father gave good reasons why it was a bad idea.  My parents had all the cat stuff still in the house, one and a half years after their old cat passed away after 17 years.

How did it happen

that I meant well, but now I have a kitten because the sellers wouldn’t take her back.  “Lol.  You can put an ad on craigslist” was their text.   More →

A Good Day

~ theantelopediaries

It was a good day today.  A very good day.

My almost 5 year old daughter met my mother for the first time last Saturday.  Today, she visited her house and met my step-father.  She behaved well, even though she was up since 6 am, and my parents and my husband and daughter enjoyed each other’s company.  After being “alone” for five years raising our daughter, it feels good to have another person help us on this journey.  Now, we can be like most other “normal” families. More →

Oh My Gosh! I’m Getting Older.

~ theantelopediaries

I looked in my car’s rearview mirror one afternoon last week and barely recognized myself.  Looking back at me was a woman that indeed looked closer to 50 than 30.  I didn’t want to believe it, but the wrinkles around my eyes conceded the truth.

When I look at the totally of my face in the mirror, I’m not as alarmed.  Perhaps it’s my ego selectively focusing on more shapely areas.  Or maybe the lower half of my face compensates for the upper half.  But in that instant in the rearview mirror, when it was just my eyes looking back at me, the truth was laid bare. More →