Uncategorized

To Vaccinate or Not? Another Take on the Issue

~ theantelopediaries

nurse-527622_1280

This morning I woke up indignant about something that happened yesterday.

It concerns vaccines. I’m not going to argue about the pros or cons of vaccinations. There are plenty of articles about that. I am going to mention three things. First, there is a federal court set up to hear complaints about injuries resulting from vaccines (http://www.uscfc.uscourts.gov/vaccine-programoffice-special-masters.) Second, there is a national reporting system for people who observe adverse side effects following a vaccination (https://vaers.hhs.gov/data/index). Third, there is a website that supports vaccination choices and has a lot of information about vaccines (http://www.nvic.org/).

With information at your fingertips, I leave it up to you to make up your mind.

And that is exactly the point.

Yesterday, Washington State’s Health Care and Wellness Committee passed House Bill 2009 that would eliminate the personal belief (also known as philosophical) exemption for vaccines. If this bill passes, it means that the state can mandate that your child receive an injection without your consent.

That’s right. The state is inserting itself into your healthcare decisions because it doesn’t trust that you will make the right decision, i.e. the same decision this collective body would make.

Since when does my family’s health care decisions become a matter for the state to decide and force me to implement?

Regardless of your stance on this issue, I believe this is a dangerous precedent. I don’t care if the injection consists of pure saline, it is a dangerous precedent to force an injection on anyone. (We do that in death penalty cases.)

The state apparently thinks parents cannot choose what is best for their children, not unless you’re in a group. If you have an objection to vaccines based on a personal belief, that may soon be illegal. But if you belong to a religion that believes the same thing, that, so far, is allowed.

A group’s idea is acceptable but an individual one is not? Is that not antithetical to American liberty? Why did we come to this country?

The state is chipping away at our personal liberties, and I wouldn’t be surprised if, after another outbreak, they go after the religious exemption as well, as some other states in our great nation are already doing.

I strongly feel that belief is belief, whether it comes from a personal conviction or a religious one. I can share my personal beliefs and what I would do in certain situations, but under no circumstances could I ever conceive of forcing anyone to do the same. Why does a group of individuals in the state legislature feel they can impose their beliefs on someone? This is a very personal issue for many, and there is a spectrum of beliefs. The state can advise and recommend, but they should not insert themselves in what is clearly a personal health care decision.

The pro-vaccine group says it’s to protect people who are medically compromised and can’t handle a vaccination. The debate we should be having is what to do about that. Are there other options? We are what- a day’s flight away from any part of the world? Are we going to force vaccinations on everyone who enters this country?

And what about those religious groups? Don’t they travel? If they have a religious exemption, wouldn’t they also pose a risk?

Unfortunately, I also see it as a conflict of personal liberties. People have a right to live and be healthy, but people also have a right to not partake in something they deem harmful. The question is to what extent should we be mandated to protect the welfare of someone else?  What is considered reasonable to ask of someone?  How can we be considerate of everyone’s rights, the sick and the healthy?

Here’s an idea. Why doesn’t the pharmaceutical industry work on vaccines that are more tolerable to the immune-compromised?

Oh that’s right, the market isn’t as large and it wouldn’t be as profitable.

I guess the state legislature feels it’s okay to force people to take “moral” action when others don’t.

For people that choose not to vaccinate, part of the issue is that they are not willing to inject themselves or their children with what they see as toxic substances (and there are toxic substances in vaccines) to protect someone else.

For those that are out of the loop regarding vaccines, the current vaccination schedule is not what most adults had as children. By the time I was fully vaccinated in 1980, I was immunized against seven diseases in 23 doses: diptheria, tetanus, mumps, rubella, polio, measles, and pertussis.

Twenty-three doses. Does that sound like a lot?

Today, the recommended vaccination schedule is 49 doses of 14 vaccines before a child is 6 years of age. Would you feel comfortable if the government mandated 26 additional doses of injections for all adults?  (It would be more for older cohorts and less for younger ones, since the number of vaccinations have increased).  After all, we are no longer “fully” vaccinated by modern standards.  Why would we want to mandate this many vaccinations for a six year old when we are weary of doing this to ourselves?  And the vaccination schedule continues into adolescence and adulthood.

Why is it acceptable to begin vaccinating on the day of birth against a disease that is transmitted through sex and needles? (Hepatitis B, if you’re wondering.)

Some parents object to vaccines against diseases they had as children and passed through fine. For example, the vaccine against chicken pox is part of the vaccination schedule. In some states where the vaccine is mandatory, children are not allowed in school without the chicken pox vaccine.

If it is not so already, it could one day be illegal to have the chicken pox.

The chicken pox is to my generation what the measles was in my parent’s generation. It was common. There are always complications, as there are with any disease, but there are complications with vaccines as well.  We know this from VAERS, the reporting system for adverse vaccine reactions and from compensation paid to victims by the federal court set up for this purpose.

The rotavirus is another vaccine that some parents see as unnecessary. Essentially, as my doctor described it, it is a bad stomach bug- fever, vomiting, diarrhea, and dehydration. Solution: rest and hydration. In most developed countries, this is not a problem. In poor ones, it is because of unsafe drinking water. Diarrhea kills children in undeveloped countries, and apparently some people found this alarming enough to recommend vaccinating in this country.  Malnutrition is endemic in third world countries as well.  If this is the precedent, are we going to do blood tests to make sure each child and adult has the proper nutrients in their system?  How much is too much control over our bodies?

Polio is a disease that has very visual connotations, but we stopped administering the oral polio vaccine in this country in 2000 because there is a small chance the recipient can develop the disease itself, which actually happened in this country.

Let’s not be so arrogant as to say medicine is without error.

You don’t have to agree with the arguments. You just have to understand that parents have concerns. We are not crazy and we are not lazy. We are concerned because as parents, it goes against our better instincts to inject our children with vaccines that include toxins, particularly since their brains and immune systems are still developing.  As parents, we are not convinced of the long- term safety of this vaccination schedule because this “longitudinal study,” so to speak, is ongoing.

And during this “longitudinal study,” vaccine manufacturers and doctors who administer vaccines are immune from prosecution if the recipient experiences injury or death, which, from parental accounts, we know has happened.  My batteries have a warranty.  Why don’t pharmaceutical companies stand behind their product?  Isn’t that a bit odd that they don’t?  Isn’t that, I don’t know, concerning?

Did you know that there is a small surcharge for every vaccine to cover compensation for people injured by vaccines?  So people pay for vaccines, pay for damages from vaccines, and vaccine manufacturers and doctors face no liability.  How clever.

We are concerned because there is a correlation, if not causation, of diseases such as autism and learning disabilities. The CDC now says 1 in 50 children in this country is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. If 1 in 50 adults were diagnosed with a problem, it would be an epidemic. Instead, the 100 or so individuals diagnosed with measles is an epidemic while the 80,000 children diagnosed with autism every year (if one uses a birth rate in this country of 4 million individuals annually) have been pushed out of the spotlight and into the shadows.

We are concerned because doctors can’t explain why there has been a spike in autism cases, correlating with a rise in mandated vaccinations, but tell us it doesn’t have anything to do with vaccinations.

Then what is it?

“We don’t know but trust us” is not a plausible explanation to most educated parents, and that is where many pockets of concern about vaccinations are located.

Indeed, it goes against our very gut, and now the legislature could soon pass a bill making it illegal for parents to choose what they believe/feel/are convinced of is in the best interest of their children.

I urge people to give this serious consideration, regardless on what side of the debate you are on, because someday, perhaps something you believe in will be taken away.

An (Un)Romantic Valentine

~ theantelopediaries ~ 2 Comments

heart-662188_1280

Valentine’s Day was pretty uneventful this year, as stark contrast from prior years. When my husband and I were dating, we would make it into a special day or evening. He would bring home flowers, a card, chocolates…. We would brave the traffic on the streets and the crowds in the restaurants, have a nice meal and end the evening with a nice movie. More →

Nursing while Nauseous

~ theantelopediaries

trees-358418_1280

I have been so sick today.  I threw up my dinner early this morning and didn’t recover for 10 hours.  My husband had to go to work and I cancelled my play date this morning.  Polina sensed something was wrong.

“No owie,” she said when I was in the bathroom heaving.

To my surprise, she still wanted to nurse… a lot.  I’m nauseous and my 2.5 year old is nursing.

“I’m sick.  Please,” I tell Polina.

Polina protested when I refused, so… okay.

Later she went to the kitchen and got herself a box of cereal, a bowl, and a fork.  She ate next to me.  Then she decided to dump all the cereal on the floor.  I picked it all up and put it back in the bag, but she did it again.  I was too tired to engage in this battle.  Then Polina decided to go through her clothes drawer and throw all the contents on the floor, on top of the cereal.  Then she rolled on me while I was trying to rest.

I pulled out my flip phone.  “Im so sick,” I texted my husband.

Polina fell on my stomach with her butt.  Ow.

“Im so sick.  Not resting,” I texted again.

“Pls help”

It sucks to be sick.  I felt hot.  Then I was cold.  My husband said he would try to come home after he completes one project.

Polina started going through her books, flipping through the pages, one by one.  She reminded me of my mother, who went through books like water.  Polina likes going through books even when no one is reading to her.

After that, I had a reprieve.  After about 3 hours of self-entertainment, Polina indicated she was tired.  She`nursed again and fell asleep beside me.

Meanwhile, I was nauseous as ever.  I hate vomiting.  I tried not to for about 3 hours by keeping it down.  I continued to feel bad.  No wonder.  It was a choice between vomiting and getting it over with or feeling “better” by not vomiting but continuing to feel sick.  Finally, I had to give in.  I went to the bathroom and threw up a final time.  There, it was over, but in the process, I woke up Polina.  I texted my husband that P and I were going to sleep, went back to bed and slept for three hours with Polina beside me.

I woke up at 5:30 pm and felt A LOT better, though still woozy as I hadn’t eaten anything all day.  The worst was over.  A week ago I was really sick with the cold for 24 hours and felt awful.  I haven’t been so sick within a week of each other in a long time.

I can’t feel my legs as I am lying on the couch typing this.  The vomit is still in the sink in the master bathroom, not going down.  I’m too weak to deal with it right now.  I’ll clean it tomorrow.  Thank goodness we have two bathrooms.

Tip- next time, heave in the toilet.

What My Daughter Has Taught Me About the Other Side

~ theantelopediaries

sky-684322_1280

I’ve heard it said that babies are closest to the “other side,” because they are newly born. I’ve also heard it said that the reason that newborns sleep so much is because they are still connected to that “other side.” Too bad they can’t talk yet. Oh the stories they might tell. I don’t have a strong opinion about the “other side.” However, by observing my daughter, I’ve came to some conclusions as to what the other side may have looked like to her, before it was affected by the physical laws of this earth.

What I’ve learned from Polina is that the other side is infinite.

I realized this when, not long after we started potty training, she began spinning the roll of toilet paper so that it all fell on the floor. One time I stood at the sink doing my business when I looked over to see half the roll gone from her spinning. “Polina!” I cried. After a couple instances of this (before we put up a gate), it occurred to me that in her world, there is an infinite amount of toilet paper. In my mind, I have x number of rolls. Polina doesn’t care about that. She doesn’t know that there is an “end” to toilet paper, and if there is, so what? She doesn’t know that toilet paper costs money. (Have you looked at the price of toilet paper recently?) All she knows is how fun it is to spin the roll.

Then I was faced with a dilemma: to let her spin, or not to spin. Here’s why it was a dilemma for me: This is probably the last period in her life where she will actually enjoy spinning toilet paper. It brought such a huge smile to her face. Can I sacrifice one roll, one roll to let her have, what looks like, ecstasy? I know teenagers like to throw toilet paper onto trees. I’ve never done it, so I don’t know if it’s as much fun as what Polina appears to be experiencing.

Every part of my body was telling me not to allow her to spin because it is so contrary to sensible behavior. But I wasn’t thinking of it how it appears here, on our side. On her side, the roll is infinite, money is no issue.

Another example of the infinite- she scribbles on one page of drawing paper, then turns to the next for another small scribble, and so on. I try to direct her to draw more on the same page as opposed to “wasting” paper. Then again, she doesn’t know that paper is finite or costs money. In her world, paper is infinite.

Stickers also appear to be infinite. It used to be that when she went on the potty, she was happy with one sticker. Then one day I gave her two, and then she asked for more. From then on, it was wage inflation. One day, she persuaded me to give her the whole roll of stickers. It was difficult to watch, but fortunately I paid only a dollar for 300 of them.

I come from a culture of scarcity. Most Russians are shaped by the history of World War II, famine, and communism. It’s in our DNA, so to speak. The result? We don’t throw good things away, and certainly don’t waste things. Have a spot on an apple? We cut it out. I remember sitting with a Russian woman in her 60s as she cut the bad spots off an apple. By the time she was done with it, there was hardly anything left to the apple, but she still put it on a serving plate. Looking at what was left of the apple, it was one of those situations that could have been interpreted as comic, tragic, or both. This was in 2014. “There’s no famine,” my husband reminds me. He doesn’t understand. It’s the possibility of it happening, and the fact that it did happen. Cutting away at the apple honors those who came before us, whether they lived or died.

In Polina’s world, there is no famine. Food is always in abundance. (Kind of my husband’s way of thinking.) She doesn’t eat for the future (eat beyond full so you’re not hungry later). She expects that there is food all the time.

On the other hand, when she really likes something, she stuffs it in her mouth and asks for more, as she does with chocolate. Does she really think she can stuff herself with chocolate and get more? How much can a little girl eat? At age two, she is tall and thin, but I think she could have eaten all of our reserves of chocolate.

In Polina’s world, time is infinite. “I have to get ready Polina.” “I have to do chores, Polina.” “Polina, we have to get ready.” Nope, not in Polina’s world. There are no clocks, only present desires. Who cares if your mother wants to go to the gym and wakes up two and a half hours earlier and still doesn’t make it on time. There’s something wrong with that scenario in my world, but not in Polina’s. Time is infinite and therefore nobody ever runs late.

To support her side means she is less prepared for our side. To support our side means she loses connection with her side and then spends lots of time and money seeking spiritual fulfillment in adulthood. Ugh, the dilemma of it all.

I’ve also learned that there is no separation on the other side.

I know this because my daughter clings to me. She clung to me as a baby, and I let her have me. The few times I went out for a “break,” my husband called asking me to come back, because Polina was screaming from the separation. Most moms I know let their children scream because a) they need a break and b) they believe it teaches their child independence. Me, I was and am a wuss. I was her primary provider for almost a year and a half. Polina can handle separation from me now, but sometimes she still clings to me. I do my best to accommodate, but it’s painful to hear her cry when I have to wash the dishes, or work on our new 47-year old house. Independence means separation, which, when my daughter doesn’t want it, means pain, as reflected in her eyes and her crying. I’m not religious, but I think “God” must have always been there. That’s why separation is so difficult on this side. It’s not fun for me either.

There is way more love on the other side than there is here.

At some point, the honeymoon of having a baby ends and the character building, for both sides begins. It’s akin to two knives sharpening each other. My two-year-old’s will is sometimes stronger than mine. I don’t know how she does it. It bothers me that she convinces me to do things I don’t want to do, like read nine books before bed when I only planned to read half that amount.

Another example of this? Polina doesn’t understand the effect her crying has on me. My loving nature runs out and I have to take a break. For anyone who has seen or experienced it, the patience to perfectly parent a two year old is amazing.

Other references from the other side include:

If Polina could talk, I think she would sometimes ask me,“Why can’t you understand me?” Because I’m not an omniscient God. You have to use your words Polina. Your mind is becoming more advanced and I can’t always guess correctly what you want anymore.

“Why can’t you bear my crying?” Because I’m not omnipotent or as loving as God; because He has more patience, as demonstrated by your expectations. I wish I was more loving. Then I would never be frustrated when you cry. You are teaching me love, but it is I whose responsibility it is to provide it.

Another reason why I think people are embellished with love on the other side is because children are not born to appease you. They expect you to appease them. In other words, babies love you conditionally. Watch their reaction when you don’t give them something they want. Polina turns her back and cries. If I give in, there is a conciliatory look, and sometimes a smile, behind the glossy eyes where the tears had been. She is used to having everything she wants in all of its manifestations.

This list is by no means complete. These are just my observations as of this date.

Originally written on  August 24, 2014

One Lackluster New Year- 2015

~ theantelopediaries

new-year-690800_1280

Of all the New Year’s Eves in my life, since I was about eight, this one was the most lackluster. I can’t believe it’s 2015 as I’m writing this. I initially started to write “December” thinking the holidays haven’t come yet. Nope, they’ve passed, like a climax that’s all of a sudden over. I feel deflated.

The night of New Year’s Eve, which is normally a day of excitement for me, I lay next to Polina as I do every night waiting for her to fall asleep. I heard some sporadic fireworks in our typically sleepy neighborhood. Waiting for Polina to fall asleep, I knew I was going to sleep myself, like someone knowing they’re going under anesthesia. The last thing I remember is the sound of a muted firework. When I woke up, it was dark and silent, and I knew New Year’s was over. My husband didn’t even wake me up.

“What did you do last night?” I asked him in the morning.

“Worked on the computer.”

“You didn’t celebrate New Year’s?”

“Just another day,” he casually responded.

Indeed, we behaved as though it was any other day.  We didn’t even wish each other “Happy New Year.” On my end, I didn’t want to jinx it. I’ve said “Happy New Year” for as long as I can remember, and what has come of it? I needed a clean slate.

Every year since I could remember I sent well wishes to my friends for good things in the New Year. I got emails and cards wishing me the same. And yet, as I look over the trajectory of my life, I got slammed. We got slammed. The optimism of the new year turned dark. Like a newborn that becomes a fussy baby, or a demanding toddler, or a rebellious teenager. Next thing you know your kid is crying on the phone about something and you think why did it have to go wrong? What happened to that peaceful newborn you held in your arms? That’s how the New Year has become for me- full of optimism (that I now see as hype) followed by disappointment (which I now see as business as usual.)

When I heard about the shootings in France, I didn’t even think about the new year. When I was a kid, it was usually conflict in the Middle East that dampened the good spirits of the new year. This time, it didn’t enter my mind. I saw it as just the world we’re living in. How jaded I’ve become.

We need a good year. It has been a while.