I have been so busy with the house the last few months (buying, renovating, moving) that Polina has really gotten the short end of the stick. Polina has not played with another child in two months. We haven’t gone to a kid-friendly activity since June. When I think about doing something special with Polina, I think about going to a park because I feel like I need time to catch up with her, even though she is “with me” all day. The time we have spent together the last several month is, for the most part, not quality time.  I attend to her basic needs, but a lot of times in the past few months, I was just trying to get things done.

So during the time I was occupied with my world, Polina has matured. In the past week or so, she started saying “bye bye.” Before, she used to wave her hand in silence. She knew what it meant, but said her goodbyes by grinning and waving. Rather suddenly (to me), she began saying “bye bye” one day. I think it happened when she said it to our rabbit one day after we got done playing with him. It was rather sudden. I don’t think I even said, “bye bye.” She waved, I picked her up so she could see him, and she waved again and said, “bye bye.”

Wait wait, I thought you were that girl. Now you’re this girl. My husband thinks it’s great that she is learning to talk. I’m not without nostalgia, because my little girl is growing up. One of the things that is hard for me as a parent of a young child is that she is not in one place for long. It’s hard because I get to know one person, and then this growth spurt happens and it’s different. (Well it would be worse if she didn’t develop, but it’s still hard.)

She is also saying “hot” instead of using sign language. She is saying “dog” instead of “ah ah,” which she insisted on saying for a year. I would say “dog,” or “sobachka” in Russian, and she would say “ah ah.” Now I kind of miss her saying “ah ah.”  I’ve started saying, “ah ah.”  She is saying “cat” instead of using sign language. She is still using the sign for “bird,” which brings me comfort. I want the best for my daughter and of course I want her to excel, but I feel that with these changes my daughter is like sand slipping through my fingers.

She is saying “faa” for fork and “spoo” for spoon whereas before spoons and forks were both “faa.” She insisted on saying “faa” even when I told her it was a spoon. When I gave up trying to convince her, she began calling a spoon a spoon.

She also entertains herself more. I remember when I couldn’t wash the dishes because she wanted me to play with her. I remember when I couldn’t get any chores done because she wanted my full attention. It was a really tough time. Now, when she sees me doing the dishes, she wants to sit on the counter beside me. When I’m sweeping, she asks for a broom so she can sweep with me. When I’m doing laundry, she sits on the dryer and rocks out to the cycle. On the rare chance I watch a video, she is there beside me. Sometimes I just sit and watch her play and occupy herself. She chooses the toys she wants to play with instead of me choosing them for her. To me these developments are monumental.

Sometimes I see older girls and I think Polina is going to speak and have opinions and… I’m scared. Childhood is long but short.

Polina has a memory. Today, she bought out a book I hadn’t read to her in six months. She remembered the name of the book and that there is a song in it before I even opened the book. Six months ago she was 22 months old. She remembered something now from when she was 22 months old.

Polina’s choice of food has widened. She is asking for butter chicken and last night, steak! She asks for things off our plates. Not too long ago, we were the ones encouraging her to eat and try different foods. She went through a period where no matter what we offered her, she ate Indian naan bread and rice almost exclusively. Now look at her go.

She has also started not only giving hugs and kisses but saying “haaa” when she wants to give or receive a hug. Before, sometimes she liked receiving them, but sometimes she squirmed. She didn’t use to give hugs or kisses. She is becoming more loving.

She is also becoming physically stronger.   Sometimes she still kicks, squirms and laughs when I try to put her pants on. Pete said I should say “no” more forcefully, so I make eye contact and say, “No!” She still thinks it’s funny to squirm and kick. She almost kicked me in the face a couple times. Today, I said “No!” and when she continued kicking and laughing, I slapped her butt. She made the sign for owie and her expression changed to one of hurt. I told her, “You gave mommy an owie. Your kicking gives mommy an owie.” Then she stopped and let me put on her pants and I felt she understood that she was causing me pain. I don’t like spanking her, but I haven’t been able to communicate with her not to do something any other way. There is nothing worse for me than Polina making an owie sign and pointing at me. I am ashamed that the first person that hurt my daughter is… me. Sometimes I wonder if she will like me, or even if she still likes me. Then she initiates a hug and kiss, and it makes me feel like things are okay.

Polina knows some letters. She is interested in letters and books and words. I am too, but she also has my parents’ genes, both of whom went through books like water. This girl is interested in the fine print, like the pages about book publishers and copyright information.  I think her favorite letter is the letter “O.” She makes a face like an opera singer and says it slowly and carefully, “Ooooooh.” If she doesn’t know a letter or word for something, she guesses at it or makes it up herself (she has a few words she made up for things, like when she points to something but doesn’t know what to call it she says, “dadn.”)

Polina has a curious mind. I try to support it as much as I can, because my mom didn’t say, “no” too often and I didn’t take advantage of that freedom or turn into a rebel. Quite the opposite. While my peers were eager for “freedom” in adolescence, I just continued in the realm I had lived in, and I didn’t feel any pull to do crazy things. Just the opposite- freedom taught me to be cautious and conservative. I’m not saying this would have worked for everyone, but it worked for me.

Sometimes I observe what parents say “no” to their children about and I think, “yes, I understand why a child would want to do the opposite after so many years of living under rules that don’t always make sense to them or really aren’t that important.”

Since the title of this blog is “Growth Spurt,” I want to add one more thing. Polina’s pants have turned to shorts. Shirts that went down to her wrists are now just below her elbows. I read that in Feng Shui, you’re not supposed to constrain your child in small clothes. (They are not tight and I do use the shirts for undershirts.) I think I’m subconsciously constraining my child. I should be happy that she is maturing, but I’m not. I’m scared. I will support it of course, but I’m scared, because she is one day closer to growing up and living her own life and… leaving. I don’t want her to leave. She’s only two, and I’m not ready for her to leave. Thank goodness for long childhoods.