Spirituality

Crying it Out to Heal From Within

~ theantelopediaries

My Personal Journey with my Daughter

Courtesy of Unsplash

Early in my career as a parent, when Polina was a toddler, I attended a bi-weekly parenting group inspired by Waldorf tradition. Waldorf believes in protecting and, in essence, extending childhood. I liked that idea. In American culture, there is pressure on children to grow up fast. Sometimes we see it in children’s clothing, cut in a way that’s more adult and less child like. Sometimes it’s comments like telling a four year old they’re “big.” Big compared to what? Compared to an infant, a 4 year old is big, but compared to the span of her life, not even close.

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Feelings of Melancholy

~ theantelopediaries
Unsplash

I’ve been in a funk, and I don’t want to get out of it.

I’ve felt this weight on my chest, and today it feels like it’s on my face. To be fair, it’s been an appendage for most of my life. I felt it acutely when I was a teenager. It almost killed me. Now, at 49, it’s mellower, but still makes its presence known.

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Ode to Melfi

~ theantelopediaries
Last picture of Melfi on Oct. 5, 2022.

It has been five weeks since my 16 month old dog Melfi was suddenly hit by a truck.

He hasn’t come back to me, even though I’ve wanted him to, if only in spirit. 

I heard that sometimes animals and other loved ones come back after their passing. I’ve shooed away other spirits when I’ve felt scared, but I wanted Melfi. 

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My Beloved Dog

~ theantelopediaries

He’s supposed to be here.

That’s what I keep thinking.  

He’s supposed to be under the covers right now. He likes to go under the covers, over the covers, under the covers, over the covers. He woke me up many nights, but I would do anything to have that back. I would do anything to hear his grunts again, to feel his head perched on my neck, to see him curled in a ball and his big eyes looking up at me. 

He was our dog, Melfi. Our 16 month old German Shorthair Pointer that was run over by a truck last Thursday. He died instantly. It wasn’t supposed to happen. I can’t help feeling like he’s supposed to be here.

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My Neighborhood is Changing, and I Don’t Like It

~ theantelopediaries ~ 2 Comments

New development across the street.
New development across the street.

The last couple of weeks my mornings have been greeted with the sound of chainsaws.  I don’t particularly like the sound of power tools, and chainsaws rank up there as one of the worst.

Now it is the sound of engines from dump trucks and excavators carving up the soil.  I look out my backyard and see the excavator swinging its massive claw.  There is that recognizable beeping sound that follows you into your home.   More →